In the last blog I delved into the three primary modalities we use to give and receive information – visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Today I’ll go into the three submodalities of communication.
The first one I call the attraction-avoidance submodality, i.e. the tendency to be primarily motivated by something (or someone) that attracts, or conversely, repulses. As an example, let’s say you’re a loan officer and giving it your best to motivate a customer to apply for a loan: “Ms. Hayes, we offer the lowest interest rate in town, without any pre-payment penalty.” Ms. Hayes isn’t motivated. Why not? She wants a loan, and the terms seem very attractive. What if the loan officer adds, “and Ms. Hayes, you won’t be faced with a huge balloon payment at the end of the term.” Now she wants the loan, because her motivation is inclined toward avoidance of something perceived as undesirable.
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Listening is a lost art in our fast paced world. In our haste to get things done, people can easily misconstrue communications, with consequences such as conflict, delays, and errors in judgment. Clearly a more conscious, deliberate form of listening is desirable to enhance communication.
Have you ever wondered why we can’t seem to communicate well with some people, even if we’re all speaking the same language? Some people process information in a different “sub-language” than we do. Psychologists Richard Bandler and John Grinder developed a set of concepts and techniques intended to understand differences in communication styles, known as NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming. I never cared for that name…sounds too much like psychological warfare. I’m teaching soft skills, not torture. So I had to make up a softer name for it – PML, or Primary Modalities of Language.
Several years ago a friend of mine took me to see a meditation guru from India speak at a local auditorium. At the close of the event, the master was taking questions from the audience. One person asked, “What is the best form of meditation when you’re feeling upset?” The guru sat and ruminated for about a minute with a smile spreading across his face, then said, “There is no best way to meditate. If one is stuck in rush hour traffic on the Hollywood Freeway and fully embraces the experience in a pure state of awareness and acceptance, that is meditation.”
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: “Give me levity, or give me death!”
- Terry Braverman
One of the most revered American leaders personifies the marriage of humor and persistence to triumph over adversity. In his lifetime, he got fired from his job, failed in business, ran for the state legislature and lost, lost a re-election bid for Congress, twice ran for the Senate and lost, and was unsuccessful in an attempt to be nominated for vice president. Despite the misfortunes, periods of extreme depression, and the death of three sons and a childhood sweetheart, he somehow was able to access a sense of humor to give him the courage to carry on. His name: Abraham Lincoln.
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